Damn you, damn the broccoli, and damn the Wright Brothers!

"Tony, you never did tell us how you made the jump from selling patio furniture to precision optics."

2006-03-21T20:39:00.000-05:00

I suck at life. I have not updated this in more than a month. But there is good news. I have had a lot of shit finish up recently and new stuff is coming my way. Part of my Lenten promise (that I'll start now) is to blog more often. Why? I don't know, it's the only rationalizing I can think of to make myself do this more. The whole point of this thing was to help me explore my creative side and to write more so I'm going to get back to basics and not worry if I have good material or funny stories. It'll be entertaing, I promise.

Choosy Moms Choose Jif

2006-02-09T14:33:00.000-05:00

I've got the flu. I can't eat cause I feel sick, but then I get sick when I eat. Ugh. I wish this weather would warm up a bit; I've got the chills and I think I've "shook" off five pounds.

What are you supposed to drink/eat with the flu? OJ? Sprite? Water? Crackers? I never know.

I'm The Shadow On The Ground

2006-01-22T02:15:00.000-05:00

I miss you guys.

I have not listened to enough music lately.

I'll tell you about New York later today...

bye.

Breedlove just looks really happy right now...

2006-01-12T23:14:00.000-05:00

So I'm back. Hopefully. I'm sure.

This semester has started off amazing so far. I'm in the middle of a Rush Chapter meeting right and we've had so many great guys come through in the last two days.

New Year's Eve ---- > now:

New Year's Eve was really, really enjoyable. Katie and I went to the mall, got some jeans, a radar detector (her christmas present to me), and a jacket. That night was fun. It wasn't a blast, it wasn't a riot, which is exactly what I didn't want. Katie and I headed up to her friend's house up in Celina, Ohio and we chilled with her friends, Ashley and Drew, and a few others. A little card game with some wine, beer pong in the basement, and champagne at midnight. I have some great pictures that I will hopefully put up on my new photo site. yeaaaaaaaah, i have to get that done.

Sunday: I watched the Bengals game with my family. They played 2nd team against the Chiefs and bombed. It was Ok, I was going to Pittsburgh the next weekend. After that we had my two aunts, cousins, and my mom's parents/dad's mother over for dinner. It was very soon after the Christmas get-together so I didn't have anything new to bullshit about.

Monday: Katie and I hung around all day setting up her new digital camera and then we watched the OSU - ND game. It was glorious. We kicked ass.

Tuesday: I moved Katie into her dorm room in Oxford.

Wed-Thurs: I wasted time playing Madden and Battlefront.

Friday: Went back to school to move in

Sat: Went back to school to hang out.

Sun:

wow.

My family has had Bengals tickets for 30 some years and this was one of the hardest days of my life as a sports fan. You've probably already read about the Cincinnati/Pittsburgh game in other bogs, espn, the radio, everywhere else and so I won't post too long. Also, I lose all my witty inspiration when I go back to write this shit. It was horrible: Palmer went down, Kitna was running around like a kid with ADD, CJ got no yards, Rudi had less than 30 carries. The Bengals just lost it. It was really, really hard to watch. I was so excited to be there with my Dad after years and years of growing up in a Bengals household. I hope to write more on this in the offseason.

This past week I started my classes; it's gone by too fast to anything meaningful. Rush started. It's taking forever. I promise if I write about things when it happens, it will be funnier and more entertaining.

seacrest out.

Are You Ready For Some FOOTBAAALL?!?

2005-12-27T00:24:00.000-05:00

Goodbye Monday Night Football. You will be missed.

O Holy Night

2005-12-24T23:13:00.000-05:00

Just finished watching "It's a Wonderful Life." Best Christmas movie ever (with Christmas Vacation and the Grinch in close company). I swear, I've seen it 30 times, and I cry every time. What's it to you, anyway!?!

Now I'm getting ready for midnight Mass at St. Patrick's. Hopefully the music group beefs it up this year and gives us some good ol' Christmas tunes.

I'll post later while I wait for St. Nick down in the den...

whodey.

2005-12-24T13:24:00.000-05:00

bartender please

2005-12-24T02:34:00.000-05:00

great night. I went down to my mom's family christmas in Centerville and hung out with my cousins for the night. We are Italian so lasagna is the main course, of course. whoa, that was weird...a horse.

My cousin Alex wins the "will harrelson gift giver of the night award" for his gift of bar-noculars and a bottle of Skyy vodka. yeah, he pretty much wins hands down. I also got a copy of Dave Matthews Band: Live at Folsom Field from my other cousin, Adrian and my Aunt Betsey.

I'm now just polishing off a bottle of Johnny Walker Red and watching the Folsom Field dvd. It's from July of 2001, so it features a ton of the Lilywhite Sessions. The first DMB dvd I ever watched was Central Park (2003) so this is a lot different. Much rawer (if that's a word) and obviously less production. Fenton is amazing.

Ok, off to finish this concert and then to bed...long day ahead of me tommorrow. stay tuned for details. i told you they were coming!

Merry Christmas Eve.

Ok, so a month break was long enough...

2005-12-23T01:49:00.000-05:00

I'm back, and hopefully for good this time. I'll try and piece together the last month as best I can and quickly at that.

Thanksgiving break was fine, it went by really quickly. Family at our house this year, cousin and I got boozed up before dinner, fell asleep soon after due to the damn tryptiphan or whatever. I ended up doing nothing productive but slept in till noon or later every morning. Well deserved sleep
The following week was really busy; only two weeks of classes till finals. I actually started some "study-organizing" to prepare for finals early. I think it helped.
Saturday the 3rd was the DrunkShoe Christmas Party. It was a huge success! We bought two punch bowls, two liters of hawaiian punch, four quarts of Southern Comfort Egg Nog, a fifth of bacardi, a fifth of lady bligh, and a fifth of jim beam. Add some Goose Island Christmas Ale and a case of natty and it was a guaranteed success.
Sunday was last chapter meeting of the semester. We also listened to a speech by Dr. John Altman, a distinguished alumnus of Miami and a member of my father's fratnerity: Delta Tau Delta. He spoke to us on many issues including entrepenurship, stewardship, and the appreciation for greek life. It was very informative and he also showed us the dvd of the For Love and Honor campaign drive for Miami.
Tuesday our year end ARP project for accounting was due. It sucked. I still got a 97.
Wednesday was the start of a great weekend. We had a gift exchange at the house and I ended up with a bottle of Dickel. That was fun. After that, we all headed up to see Jason Aldean at Brick Street. It was a fun concert, great setlist, and he played some Skynyrd.
Thursday was my last ACC and Econ class of the semester! It also was one of the worst days of the semester as I hit a stressed out moment about exams, flipped my lid when I found out that I didn't have to take the final in Geography but ended up taking it anyway because I missed the class in which it was announced, and I lost my phone.
Friday I studied for a little while and then watched some of Elf at Katie's place.
Saturday I went home to study and get a temp demo phone.
Sunday I started studying full time at the library
Monday (12/12) was a full study day as I had no exams till Tuesday
Tuesday was study and Econ final
Wednesday was hell day: I had Geo, MIS, and ACC exams.
Thursday was a day to organize and study Music.
Friday I took my Music exam and helped katie move out of her apt.
Saturday I headed home...

This week had been pretty uneventful. I've worked on a few projects around the house, including framing a bunch of dave matthews band and o.a.r. posters sitting around my room. I also have helped my mom send out christmas cards and i've planned my trip to NYC in three weeks.

I'm so psyched to see O.A.R. live at Madison Square Garden! I have front row tickets which should just make this show unbelievable...I can't believe i'm flying into NYC on a saturday morning and leaving on a sunday afternoon just for one show.

Tonight (friday) is our family christmas on my mom's side. More updates after I re-watch conan.

Happy Festivus!

2005-12-23T01:41:00.000-05:00

A festivus for the rest of us...

It's three a.m. i'm drunk again, feeling heavy on my mind

2005-11-25T03:02:00.000-05:00

So after a nice night cap, i'm off to bed...

turkey day stories, last few weeks review, and a few tidbits before the end of this year to follow throughtout the next month - starting later today.

goodnight and goodluck.

p.s. Kingdom of Heaven rocks hard - i'll elaborate later.

the vaco show

2005-11-18T15:00:00.000-05:00

I hit the first tee with Tiger Woods force

2005-11-15T15:46:00.000-05:00

When ya wanna feel good call Jerry Jermaine!

Ok, I'm back from my hell week of exams. Updates to come later tonight...

No Day But Today

2005-11-07T16:31:00.000-05:00

The big screen version of Rent comes out on November 23rd. I keep seeing the trailers on the TV and i'm getting goosebumps just seeing the ads. I hope its not cheesy and overdone like some previous adaptations. The cast looks great: Rosario Dawson, Jesse L. Martin, Taye Diggs, Adam Pascal, etc.

New York City: Here I come! I'll be making my annual trek to the Big Apple to catch O.A.R. playing their first ever show at Madison Square Garden. This should be a treat to all friends and fans of the band as this is quite an improvment from the bar shows of OSU. It looks like I won't be flying out, instead I'll be driving. I think I'm going to save some money as I'm flying back into the city a month later to visit some family friends and attend a Bar Mitzvah.

Maybe updates from the weekend later.

free music...anyone?

2005-11-04T16:01:00.000-05:00

The BandFusion survey for this year is up at www.bandfusion.org.

If you are a Miami student, please take it to help pick this year's bandfusion act. Also, upon completetion, you have the chance to win a $25 iTunes gift cert.

It's the reverse-Fortune magazine curse!

2005-11-03T15:35:00.000-05:00

Amazon.com announced an exciting new service today. Amazon "Pages" and "Upgrade" are going to change the way books are purchased and read. Amazon "Pages" allows customers to buy whole books or just chapters in digital format for immediate reading. "Upgrade" allows customers who purchase the physical copy of the book to read a digital version anywhere in the world, provided they have web access. Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos brought up a use for "Upgrade" which seems to me to be one of the few benefits of this program as of this point in time. He pointed out that software engineers, for example, are the types of customers who would want to purchase a physical book, keep a copy at home or at the office, and then have access to a digital copy at any jobsite in the world.

I know that I would have no use for a digital copy of a book for recreational purchases, but as a student, keeping a digital copy for reference after you sell your physical version could prove to be very useful and worth the few extra dollars. What do you think? Especially if you are a student like me who last semester recieved NOTHING back for my books at the end of April.

BannerWeb can....just.....zzzzzzzzz

2005-11-03T07:07:00.000-05:00

I hate scheduling. I hate the fact that I can't take classes because they aren't allowing me to declare the minor I want. I hate the fact that I can't take my MKT 291 class cause everyone has already signed up for it. I hate getting up at 6:50 am and why won't the effing dog stop barking. I need coffee.

Cha-Cha: It was invented to help white people dance to salsa

2005-11-02T20:35:00.000-05:00

I don't even know where we are in recapping last weekend's events. I think somewhere near saturday, I watched football and then went next door to a party at one of our out-of-house houses. it was fun.

Sunday Koebel and I went down to PBS to see the Bengals beat the Packers. Summary: They won, they didn't play great, they had +5 turnovers, it was nice weather, the hot dog buns are still stale, we went home. Sorry, I'm kind of into brevity tonight.

Sunday night was a long night of studying for my MIS exam on last monday and my econ quiz yesterday.

Monday: I took my MIS exam after studying for most of the day. I think I did well. Monday night after the exam I studied for Econ. Then I went to sleep.

Time to find dinner and then work on scheduling for next year. Later.

We didn't have to sit in the front anymore

2005-11-02T12:18:00.000-05:00

Watching Bill Clinton speak at Rosa Parks' funeral today reminded me what a talented speaker he is. It also reminded me of the many hilarious years of Saturday Night Live under his presidency. Darrell Hammond was hysterical as Bubba, and it's sad to think those years are long gone. Those years, which are marked by my last few years in elementary school and my first few in jr. high (where a child of my age shouldn't have been watching SNL), were of the pre 9-11 era. Looking back on it, it was a totally different world back then. I miss it.

Why do I feel like I'm in too deep?

2005-11-01T17:30:00.000-05:00

Wow, whirlwind of activity in the last few days...I'm just going to post three or four times today until it's all done.

Today started out remarkably like every other friggin Tuesday or Thursday this semester. Only on the days which start at 8 am for me, the sky decides to open up and drizzle small droplet-shaped reminders of how early and cold it is before 10. I've actually been sleeping relativly well the last couple of nights, which is probably attributed to the fact that I've been sleeping in my loft and not on the futon. Even though it is hotter than the blazes up near the celiing, the mattress does provide an added level of comfort which is perfect for resting ye olde noggin prior to econ quizzes. The weather was not a good indication of what is going to be a 17 hour day. Something was different though; for the first time in weeks, I actually stayed awake my entire Geography class and managed to multi-task by learning some volanic stuff while reviewing single-price monopolies.

The Econ quiz went well enough. Then it happened again. Instead of dozing off or sifting through today's version of the Miami LeftStudent (Jen, I love you), I paid attention and learned something. It didn't end there. I spent the entire lunch break section of my day working on BandFusion stuff and preparing for the meeting tonight. I also did some Accounting homework and cleaned my desk. weird.

My accounting prof tried to pop a quiz on us today, but then retracted as soon as he saw the ghost-like look on our faces. That class turned out to be my recreational reading class of the day; SI On Campus is a good view.

I helped Katie with her resume between ACC and my GEO lab. Brill is an interesting place to be in the middle of the day. It's actually busier than I thought it would be. After I headed off to finish the last two hours of my 6 hour and 45 min class load for the day. GEO lab was boring as usual, outdated government web sites with data on rainfall and river flows.

The walk home was perfect. The sun was back out, the leaves were really starting to hold their yellow and orange colors, and Bishop Woods was just filled with fall air. Per usual, my iPod was reading my mind and shuffled to Don't Drink The Water by Dave Matthews Band. Now, I've since decided that my iPod has a soul and we've met in a previous life becasue that thing knows what to play and when to play it. Either that or Steve Jobs is freaking the shit outta me. Back to the walk: I posted earlier about my faveorite seasonal albums and I would like to extend the winter-esque of BTCS to fall and winter-esque. I don't know if it is the crisp patterns of Carter's drumming, the harmonics provided by Tim Reynolds on guitar, or the murmurings of yet-ruined-by-pop-music Alanis Morrissette, but the whole damn album just screams of passion, emotion, and soul. It is undeniably in my top three albums of all time, and just might be my number one.

To the (extended weekend):

Thursday was fun as we had a party uptown. I appeared as Shrek and ended up scaring more people than appealing to their love of animated movie stars. I guess that's what happens when you buy a cheap latex mask from a cabbage-smelling seasonal halloween store owner.

Friday was standard up to the point that I went home after my 2pm class to watch my brother's final high school football game. Due to this lung-constricting cough I've developed, I made a conserted effort to get into the doctor's office as well. He loaded me up on allergy meds as usual and I was on my way. After rushing up to Sidney Memorial Stadium (which, as a twenty minute drive on the highway, seemed a helluva lot longer than it used to when I made it every morning and afternoon,) we made it in time to take pictures of my parents walking down the 50 yard line with my brother as part of the pre-game festivities.

It was sad to see our high school in such desrepair as a football school. There was barely 30 people there to see the start of the game (which isn't as bad considering there is only 200+ students) and almost no students. I definatly had the feeling of "whew, I got out while the going was still good." I hope that a new coaching change and some shakeup in the administration/goals of the school will get attendance back up and thriving. A small rural catholic high school can't operate under the same assumptions as it did twenty to thirty years ago.

After the game, which we lost 46-14, the whole family went to the after-party sponsored by two senior families. Only being a sophomore in college and two years out, it was odd to only recognize three or four kids at the party. I figured someone would recognize me whom I didn't know and would say hi, as I'm often forgetful, and who wouldn't be with kids three years younger, but no one seemed to know me. All the same to me, I avoided those akward "how have you been" conversations.

I did find one of the neatest things at the party though: some of the senior moms created senior books which had a profile for each senior football player and cheerleader. The profiles contained their highlights, other school activities, college futures, and most memorable moments. My brother's most memorable moment was the time my senior year when Coach put both of us in as linebackers in the final home game. I know it meant a lot to my mom and dad for two of their sons to be playing next to each other, but I didn't realize it meant so much to him until I read that. I didn't know it meant so much to me until after I read that, either.

Saturday I got up early to run a few errands and then head back to Oxford. I spent most of Saturday watching football and resting after being loaded up on allergy meds. A couple of the guys rounded up some of us to play an in-house football game (six on six) out at Cook Field. I know remember why I love pickup football games. I then remebered why being tackled at 165 lbs isn't the same as tackling someone at 188 lbs like I did as a linebacker in high school. I managed to get a first down on a pass despite my lack of offensive knowledge.

rest of saturday, sunday, and monday coming later...

Quote of the day: "I'm glad I'm not in a real major."
-Joesph Quille

Getting Lazy

2005-10-31T12:55:00.000-05:00

I have so much to write about - but I have an exam tonight and a quiz tommorrow morning so I'll try and do half of it tonight and the rest tommorrow...

whodey.

Speechless

2005-10-27T18:09:00.000-04:00

I saw a commerical today. In fact, it was a two minute infomercial. It was for the BustMaster. I shit you not. The BustMaster basically is a aerobic type resistance device that lifts, centers, and tones a woman's upper region. Lewis Black would probably see this and have a stroke (with a smile on his face of course). I...don't know....what to say.

I have finally found my costume. Out of the Enchanted Woods comes my donkey and I. Yes, I will be appearing this weekend as Shrek. I found the costume in Colerain at a seasonal store. It is a mask of Shrek's head and a "villager" outfit that would be complete with a mug of grog and a feathered hat. I really want someone to go as my donkey. Let's see if anyone is still costumeless.

Nyquil rocks you. HARD. I took some last night to stop my cough and didn't realize its effects. Apparently, a Starbucks coffee does not cancel out the Tequila like ability of NyQuil. I went to the library to study some Econ and was met full on by a wave of sleepiness. After twenty minutes, I realized that I was going to wake up there if I wasn't careful - so I went home. Slept like a log.

Also, I installed my adapter today in my Jeep for my iPod. Actually, Bass helped me, but I held the flashlight and the tools. It is hidden and pretty neat; I now can play my music directly into my stereo.

Time to go to wal-mart for shrek pants. maybe brown stuff for my donkey. later.

For Best Results...

2005-10-26T13:03:00.000-04:00

Bout time I update this, right? Well today I finally recieved my new 60gb video iPod. It took about a month, but I guess it's all worth it in the end. If it wasn't for that damned personailazation on the back of the first iPod, it never would have taken this much time and I never would have gotten the new iPod. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

If you have any suggestions for what I should be for Halloween, please leave a comment. I'm going shopping down in Colerain today and I have no idea what I'm going to find.

shoutouts for the day

Matthafling.com for giving me a shoutout. But I won't tell you to go visit his site, because he didn't tell his readers to visit mine. So, in conclusion, don't go visit his site. It sucks.
walkingparty.com is proving that mwp can find a great costume year after year. If Wes Anderson up and died, Marty might have a problem come the end of October.
Mike S needs to update more. The only problem is, if work doesn't come soon, he'll be doing it from a Starbucks. If you or someone you know has an empty couch in NYC for a few days, let me know and get this kid some shelter
FoodNetwork: Question of the week - "what is felijoada?"
silverware - thank you for helping me eat
futon - dude, you are comfy when i'm too tired to get to my bed.

I'll update this later...

Quote of the day: "May the Devil chase you all the days of your life, and may he never catch you."

-Desmond H.

Ebbs and Flows

2005-10-24T02:46:00.000-04:00

Today yielded the perfect fodder for blogging. It was a rainy, cold, introspective kind of fall day.

This morning started earlier than a normal Sunday morning in college, but this morning I was heading down to Paul Brown Stadium to see the Bengals in action and continuing their chase for the playoffs. With the temperature being near 40*, I swapped the traditional brews for tailgating for a coffee. It also helped me wake up a little for the back woods drive down to Cinci. I digress...Oxford has no good way to get to Cincinnati. It is all back roads that take you either west or east of the city. Anyway, I met my dad at a Cracker Barrel off of I-75. We headed down to the game anticipating more rain, those damn terrible towels, and a great Bengal performance.

Well two of three ain't bad. The Bengals had an off day and lost 27-16. I'm still frustrated so I won't rehash the entire game like I want to (that and it's three a.m. on a Monday morning,) but the Bengals basically lost the game in the first quarter. Of course there were the coulda won in the second half as it was only 7-6 at halftime, but the team lost all momentum after the first two drives. From there it was a massacre at the line. The Steelers ran the ball all over us like only Cowher can.

Now, the Steelers are a good football team and they were well coached, but they aren't great. If the Bengals had taken a 14-6 lead in the first quarter, I'm sure the game plan would have been different and we would've run up the score a little more. Any given Sunday though... This would be ebbs and flows numero uno.

As I got back home, I realized that I had done crap with my MIS assignment and I had to start. Laws Hall at 6:30 pm on a Sunday evening is hell. It's cold, it's dark, it's dreary, and it's filled with finance major nerds running calculations and models on the lab computers. No offense guys, I need you all to handle my immense piles of money when I make it big. Seriously, I'm going to be swimming in the chedda like Uncle Scrooge.

I don't know what this has to do with ebbs and flows other than one of the 300 tropical storms seemed to have descended on Oxford this weekend and I had to walk through it to Laws.

Most of my friends have been having rough stretches with classes and other work. I can't argue, I've been pretty swamped as well. I'm not much of a philosopher, but my best advice for one was that everything moves in ebbs and flows and you just have to ride it out until the next section. I seem to think that with age and maturity (which ironically happen during this thing called college...I won't even touch the maturity jokes,) we are able to recognize the bigger picture and really grasp onto what matters. I do a much better job handling various tasks and assignments at this point in my education compared to high school - which was filled with fewer causes of stress. As they say: "if you want something done, give it to a busy person." Who are they, anyway? Who...dey?

Friday night could possibly have been one of the most fun nights I've ever had in college. Following up on my last post, after a fantastic dinner at Fiesta Charra with Casey and Simon (try the #1, it fills you up quick and it's on the table before you are done ordering it,) we headed back to the house to prepare for the event known as Century Club. I won't post too much about it, as it's really a repetitive event: a shot every minute for one hundred minutes. However, it is just a riot as 200 some people pack into two rooms and get to know their neighbors. After, we headed up to Skipper's for a little late night socializing. I think. At least that's what they told me...I mean... Below is my dancing to a little Kanye West.

Saturday was definitely the laziest day I've had all semester. I think I woke up at 1 pm and did nothing but watch college football for 5 hours. Katie and I went out to eat with Lauren and Jeff at 45 East. I had the blackened chicken pasta dish - it hit the spot. Saturday night was really quiet around our homestead so I just hung out and went over to Katie's for a bit.

I missed a Matt Nathanson show tonight down in cincy as I didn't have my homework done and we had a chapter meeting. Oh well, I'll catch him down the road.

Song that I am listening to now (I hope I can figure out how to get this on the sidebar...):
Dave Matthews Band - Recently (from Red Rocks live album)

A Country Boy Caaaan Surviiiiiiive

2005-10-21T17:59:00.000-04:00

Finally, the hour of enjoyment has arrived. Our house is quiet, like the calm before a storm. Names are scribbled on the top of ten dollar hastly built wooden tables, the furniture is moved into the Lee room, and case upon case is delivered. Century Club will be a loud, sweaty, sing-along yet there seems to be no one in our house right now. They are all probably smarter than I am and are uptown filling their stomachs for the punishment they are about to recieve.

Note to self: do actual work tommorrow as the rest of this weekend should be a blast.

Last night wasn't a riot, but it was sure enjoyable. We had a party uptown and almost didn't make it on account of the rain. I learned the name of the girl who sits in front of me in my music class and found out she lives up near where I'm from. I also found out if some people don't know how to line dance, they will try to booty dance to Bocephus.

Today was a shitty weather day. My MIS class was boring as usual - I probably should be starting my SQL assingment since it's due on Wednesday. I skipped my music class so I could do some of the MIS stuff and also so I could run errands. Odd list: I had to ship off some Big Band cd's to my old show choir director (I played guitar and bass and was the band director senior year), dropped off Hitch at the video store, and dropped off some shirts at the cleaners.

Apple Update of the Day:
So I called again today attempting to get a tracking number or any other form of logistical shipping data. I got Tonya. Tonya was worthless...kinda. She almost ordered my iPod again, but I wouldn't let her until she found out my shipping info. Then she told me the glorious news: I would be instead recieving a BRAND NEW 60 gb video iPod. I'll finish this later - Shaw wants me to go to Fiesta Charra...

till I get back...

A quote-post from Smith's blog

2005-10-20T20:24:00.000-04:00

This was too good to not post...how I will spend tommorrow night

Century Club

Last night and today have me thinking back to my days of yore at Miami. Especially the KA Century Club. So for those of you have no idea what I'm talking about, here is a description in all it's drunken stupidity.

I'm going to guess most of you are familiar with a power hour: 60 shots of beer in 60 minutes. That's a nice little start to the night...Or the end for some of you.

Well, The Century Club is 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes. Or in our case, 110 because we do doubles on the 10's. For each event a custom CD is made with each song being 1 minute in length. There are several traditional song placements, such as at 60 minutes is 'Another One Bites The Dust' by Queen. And at the end is the full version of Sweet Home Alabama.

We cram several hundred people in for each party. Small, cheap tables are made in the days before and early the day of people reserve spots for them and their guests. As the evening draws near, case after case of adult beverages, coolers, and ice roll into the house. Sharpies are amassed for the 'signing' of the table every 10 minutes. At 10 pm, it's game on.

The drinks are cracked, the music is loud, and the company is good. For you non-drinkers, there are people participating with their N/A beverage of choice. Some do Gatorade, others do pop, and the completely retarded do milk or Red Bull.

Typically every 10 minutes someone takes a photo of the room:
0-20: Room looks crowded and little else
20-40: People are looking more celebratory-wave your hands in the air like ya just don't care style
40-60: Girls dancing on the tables
60-80: No one on tables anymore because one of them broke
80-100: Room thinned out some, only alcoholics remain

Then there is the ever popular table signing. How it works is you sign your area at the start and every 10 minutes thereafter:
0: Normal signature
10: Normal signature
20: Normal signature
30: Signature slightly off
40: Signature noticibly off
50: Drunken scribble
60: Forget to sign table
70: Write note about forgetting to sign table and how you'll make it up later
80: Try to decifer note you just wrote, forget to sign table again
90: Get mad, punch table, cut hand
100: Break table, forget about signatures, start throwing stuff and being 'fratty'

Another favorit pastime is to call people out. It's a pretty simple concept. Wait until the person you want gets a fresh beer. Start chanting there name. Once enough people join in, hey must chug whatever is left of their beer or get booed out of the room.

Another funny moment occours when the ladies have to break the seal. Us fellas can go anywhere we please, but the ladies need more of a proper toilet and to travel in packs bigger than 3. The house has 7 bathrooms: 2 upstairs, 2 on ground level, and 3 in basement. Around minute 40 the lines start to get quite long. Our house is conveniently located across from the President's Mansion and it's large backyard. So at about minute 40, several young ladies in skirts alway get the idea to run across the street and pee in the President's bushes rather than to wait for the bathroom inside. I felt really bad for one girl my sophomore year because she had a nasty little faceplant in our yard while running back from the bushes. That's right folks, this is nothing but the highest of high class parties.

So now you have an idea of what I did to my liver in college. I bet you sleep better at night knowing that.

Nothing could be farther from the truth

2005-10-20T12:05:00.000-04:00

Fall made an attempt to thwart my 8 a.m. class this morning. It was 46* and misting when I left the house. I guilted myself into going to Geography and Economics, even though there was nothing of any measurable importance happening in either class today. I basically use Geography as a penance for all the sins I have committed in the last week; hopefully sitting through the lectures on Geomorphology will cleanse my soul. Economics isn't as bad as Geography, yet short-run and long-run supply and demand curves lull me to sleep like a Jeff Buckley song.

Funny-story-of-the-day-that-you-won't-think-is-funny-
because-you-weren't-there:
So these two really laid back guys sit behind me in Econ and they don't give a shit about ANYTHING. Everyday they scheme of new ways to prevent Even from teaching the class. Well today they were at it again (I joined in as well), and lo and behold, his computer had some update/restart window come up right after he started the lecture. The guys went NUTS like they themselves had anything to do with it. I made some side remark to the effect of "Phase One, steal the underpants." Apparently, these guys also were fans of South Park back in the day and one of them snorted and replied back "Phase Two...uhhh....Phase Three: PROFIT." Of course, since we are in Econ, profit is even more hilarious given the circumstances...

Ok, that story sucked and I don't even think it is funny now. My apologies.

Yesterday was bad day numero deux. I missed an advising meeting. The guy from Apple didn't call me back, even though I left him a voicemail that most wouldn't consider kind. I've decided to send Apple a letter of complaint from my attorney. It worked last time when Rolling Stone magazine failed to send me an mp3 player I won through a contest. That's weird, I didn't notice the mp3 player connection until just now. When your attorney is your father, it makes things a lot easier and cheaper. Knock on wood I haven't needed him for anything more criminal...yet.

Will's Consumer Complaint of the Day:
So after all this Apple bullshit, you'd think that I wouldn't have any other problems until Karma catches back up with me. You were wrong. I ordered a replacement cell phone for my Motocrapola V551 through Cingular. It is free under warranty which is sweet. So I get it overnighted and receive it yesterday: only problem is, no one can hear me when I call them. So I switched out my battery and SIM card and tried my supposedly worse-off original phone and decided that I'm better off this way. I guess I'll call them and ship this back. Just another hassle I don't need to deal with.

Albums I've been enjoying recently:
Amos Lee - Amos Lee
This stuff is good. God Bless Firstlisten.org

Averi - Direction of Motion
Not their newest, but I really can't stop listening to Home and Discovering The Truth About Oz

Bridges Fell - Innocence Again
An old band from Rhode Island who I wish were still together. Drummer plays with my cousin now. They are going down to Full Sail after they finish up at Ohio State

Death Cab for Cutie - Plans
uh oh, they are popular now. it's ok, best song by them in my opinion is The New Year

Original Broadway Cast - Joesph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
seriously. I can't stop singing Close Every Door.

that's all folks.

edit - according to matthafling.com, Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie is set to be released in March of 06.

I wish each day had a reset button

2005-10-19T02:11:00.000-04:00

I don't know where to start. I feel like that t-shirt in someone's drawer that they never, ever wear, yet they always seem to unfold it, hold it up, show disdain once again for it, and then throw it back into the depths of it's cedar surrounded cave. I'm taking blog-writing lessons from Elwood, he's getting damn good at it.

This has been a bad day. Not exactly like the kind where you fail a few tests, wreck your car, fall out of a loft bed, and lose your wallet, but it has been troublesome. Troublesome, that's a great word to describe it. A day that is more of an inconvenience than a full-out-drag-down war against the world. It started normally enough: a bagel and a Solo cup of O.J. on my way to the dreaded 8 a.m. Geography 121 class. That class doesn't bomb too hard; in fact, it's rather interesting. Just not at eight in the morning. Slept/studied for an Econ quiz at 9:15 during Geography. SOP (standard operating procedure - you'll see it used more and more around here) for this block of time.

After leaving the smell of fossils and old people that is Shiedler Hall (if that's even spelled right) I headed for Laws to take my Econ quiz. It wasn't so bad, I think I even may have gotten an A. In fact, I'm sure I did since there was only one question that I was finicky about. So far so good, right? This is where it goes downhill.

I go back to my house and decide it's time for my daily installment of "Where's Will's iPod." In today's edition, Will calls the Apple support line, dialing in the extension numbers of the Dispatch Agent section that he is trying to reach. In my brief wait, apparently no one wants to talk to Canadian Apple geeks on a Tuesday at eleven in the morning, I get in contact with a woman representative. I say "screw this" to the standard "Can I get your first name" bullshit, and get straight to the point:

me: "yeah, Apple was supposed to send me an iPod to replace a broken iPod that I've since sent back to Apple for disposal and it hasn't gotten here yet. I actually had the order placed on October 4th and 7-10 days later I was supposed to have received it. I called this past Saturday afternoon to get a DHL tracking number so I could find where it disappeared in the nasty world of logistics, but it hadn't been processed yet. So now that somewhere in China my iPod has been built, can you help me find where it is now?"

Avril (the only Canadian girl name I know): "sure, can I get a case number?"

me: "no, you guys won't give me one since my last two are closed. I do have a replacement ID number though" *give to her*
*she puts me on hold for 5-6 minutes*
*gets back on phone*

Avril: "sir, the order hasn't been released yet."
me: *scratch head* "what the hell does that mean?"
Avril: "we haven't processed it."
me: "why the hell not?"
Avril: "two reasons: one, it has personalization and two, we changed models."
me: "whaaaa? ok wait, you changed models, you mean I get a video iPod now?"
*I become giddy like a schoolgirl*
Avril: "no, they don't make the 30 gig iPod anymore - you will be getting a 60 gig."
me: "I KNEW THAT! Why is this relevant information? I knew of this fact before mine even had a problem. The TOLD me on October 4th that I'd get a brand new 60. Moving on, what about personalization?"
Avril: "we need to know what you want on it."
me: "why didn't the first guy ask? when he didn't do jack, why didn't the second person I called ask? why is it now you?"
Avril: "I don't know sir, can you tell me your personalization."
*I disgruntling tell her*
Avril: "ok, well, it will be out by the end of the week..."

*I continue digging for answers and finally get to the point where I demand that the original agent call me on my cell phone when he gets a DHL tracking number for my iPod. The asshat didn't return my two previous calls two weeks ago requesting an original DHL #*

so that peeved me. Then I went to the dry cleaners and forgot to take 5 shirts that I needed done. Waste of a trip.

I went to accounting and managed to make it through a three person panel of accountants on why their jobs suck, why they hate talking to college students, why they hate questions about interviewing and resumes, and why they hate Sarbanes-Oxley. Well, they didn't say any of that - but they looked the part.

Post-Econ on a standard day is a two hour Geography lab at 4 p.m. Today, I decided to not show up and instead have my cell phone provider find out if my phone is still under warranty and if they can send me a new one (old one is breaking). That worked fine, but I realized at 5:55 p.m. that I just missed and hour and 55 minutes of a lab. Great.

Rest of the day summed up like this:
Dinner was cold
ACC study session was boring
I lost my retainer on the walk from Starbucks to the Library. I shit you not. I actually lost my bottom retainer. I feel like such a doof. Dr. Murphy will not be happy.

Finally, after throwing in two loads of laundry at 1 a.m., I go down to throw in dryer when I realize that someone opened up one of my washer doors at 38 mins left (out of 40) and never reset my cycle. Great. Now I have to stay up until 3:30 to do laundry. Eff that.

There is something wildly comforting about logging on here and bitching for twenty minutes. I really started to laugh for the first time today after reading how stupid a day this was. Therapeutic maybe.

leaky little boat.

I've been in this room before

2005-10-17T23:55:00.000-04:00

I promise I'll do a better job of updating. I swear. See, I'm doing it now.

This last weekend was fun - it seems that I only post weekends as the weeks are full of other worthless academic crap. Oh well, you all don't really want to hear about the law of diminishing returns from Chapter 10 of my Microeconomics book.

Thursday night Katie and I watched Hitch. That was a much funnier movie than I thought it was. Kevin James played that part hysterically and Will Smith was on in his classy humor role. The only complaint was that I felt like I was watching How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days all over again. My God, I'm comparing chick flicks in my blog. It should all end here.

Friday Goal: Wake up at 10:30 a.m., work on Econ and Acc reading, study both.
Friday reality: Woke up at 2:00 p.m., watched t.v., ran errands, cleaned my room, listened to some new music, played football in the front yard and hung out with the dog, etc.

Friday night: One of the most fun nights I've had at school. We (15 guys still around for the weekend) ended up playing Landmines in our Kitchen and then post-gamed with a power hour. So many funny jokes and stories that I can't put on here - but if you want to know - just ask.

Saturday was one of the most awesome college football Saturdays EVER! Stayed in to watch the OSU game and was very happy with the outcome. After spending the fourth quarter on the phone with Apple trying to find out why the new iPod I was supposed to receive as replacement for my previously broken one hadn't even been ordered yet, let alone shipped to me (10 days after it was supposed to have been).... *big breath*.... I headed over to Yaeger to watch Miami rip up on Akron. The final score of that game was 51-23. They killed them. Badly. The crowd was amazing for it being a home football game during fall break in an already apathetic atmosphere. The student section was pretty much half filled and it was almost fun.

After the game, it was definitely time to head back and watch Notre Dame beat USC. Well that didn't work out according to plan. What a great game: Charlie Weiss is a class act, Brady was on target, Leinhart is ready for Monday Night Football, and Reggie Bush was given the Heisman at the end of the game (well, he should have been). Even though I was riffed [made up that word] at the end of the game, it was enjoyable and that's why it hurt.

Saturday night I decided to go over to an apt. party down the street. It was chill but still a lot of fun. Goldeneye on N64 is a lot more fun after a soda. Went home and went to bed shortly after midnight so I could get up at 9 on Sunday to get home.

Sunday I went home to meet my family for Mass and brunch. We were 15 mins late to Mass per usual, and brunch was cancelled after Mass ran 35 mins late. The rest of the day was spent watching the Bengals play flawlessly. Seriously - Palmer was on target the entire game, CJ played SIC, they are know +13 on the season in turnovers (first in the NFL), and only had 4 penalties. I'm so excited to go to the Steelers game on Sunday! Back to the day: I also went over to Fulton Farms to do the Harrelson annual pumpkin patch picture. I don't know if that one will make it up here. I went back home, washed the car, had dinner, and headed back to Oxford.

Time for sleep. Keep it real fool.

I just saw a commercial for the new video adaptation of Pride and Prejudice and Collide by Howie Day was the background music. Wow.

They arrived in Minnesota and went F#@K... we're home!

2005-10-13T17:45:00.000-04:00

Let Fall HARDER begin!
Today marks the start of Fall HARDER weekend. The weekend formally known as "Fall Break" has been re-worked to better state what we will be doing with our free time. Last year was Fall HARD, hence, HARDER. Miami had the genious idea of scheduling a home football game during fall break; ironic, really. I'll proably go home sometime friday night for my brother's football game or sunday afternoon to watch the Bengals game. The rest of the weekend is dedicated to studying economics and accounting, watching football, and carb loading.

Greenstreet was a fun show last thursday:

Hadgis and Liam enjoyed it!

Friday kicked off an awesome weekend. Katie and I went down to Benihana on a little dinner date. I've never been there and in the six months we've been dating, she has constantly reminded me the joys of the Benihana experience. Dinner was amazing! They keep bringing you food: shrimp appetizer, chinese soup, fried rice, hibachi chicken, salad, ice cream, tea, water, it just keeps coming and coming. It's nice to know that such a neat place is only 45 minutes away (tri-county exit off of 275).

Before Ingram Hill, and after Benihana, Katie and I headed over to Stadium to see a couple of KA's open up for another band. The Chuck Norris Band, with Andy and Jon Nielsen on guitars, James Hollis on bass, and John Krehbiel on drums, played a nice mix of covers and originals to warm up the Stadium crowd. Look for them around other bars in Oxford soon as they taped this show for a demo.

Ingram Hill was a blast! It's fun seeing a show when you know most of the lyrics and can get up close to the stage without being cramped. It was the last show of their tour before they go into the studio to record their second full length major label release. They played a couple of new numbers as well as some off of their first disc. Go pick up June's Picture Show if you get a chance!

The First Annual Gin Gala was a huge success. We all got dressed up and turned a cocktail party into, as Joe Kenney referred to it, a "shit show." We need to do this again next semester. The highlight of the night definatly had to be the music: Hollis loaded up tons of Jamie Cullum, Sinatra, Ray Charles, Martin Sexton, etc. and let the iPod work it's magic.

This week went by fairly quickly. I took a midterm in music, a lab practical in geography, and 6 hours of sleeping in econ. My 10:45 nap after econ is becoming a regular thing, one that I appreciate and look forward to enjoying.

I'll go in this way, and I'll find my own way out

2005-10-06T21:45:00.000-04:00

So much to write about!

Mom's weekend was a blast. I geniunely think my mom had a great time and really got to know some of the KA's and how we roll down here. Highlights:

Beer Pong tournament
Martini's at A-List
numerous KAs running into each other at the mall
return trip to Rooms That Grow
The power trio of Mrs. Kenney, Mrs. Steele, Mrs. Syverson and my mom.
Rita-Buffet at the house on Saturday night
Bar fight at 45 East (if ya wanna know, ask me)
It was a really neat oppurtunity for my mom to relive her college years without being mom-like about it.

Sunday was also our first Greek Life Open House where freshmen come in groups from their dorms to check out our house and twenty some others on campus. Our Rush video is really neat; i'll see if I can get Ed or Weeba to host it. Although I can't stand having the same conversation for 6 hours, 20 times over, it's fun to feel older and more mature...even though I'm not.

This week also yielded an Econ exam and the first BandFusion meeting of the year. We are really excited for this year's event and we hope to bring a really cool college band that ya'll will enjoy. Please keep checking in on bandfusion.org (it's not in our control yet, but we should get it from IT in the next week) for more details. I'm sure this year's committee will yield more amazing ideas and crazy marketing strategies to help promote this event. Email me if you have suggestions for bands. There will be a campus-wide survey out soon.

I went home on Wednesday night to get the hairs cut and have a much-needed Italian dinner with the family. My grandmother also dined with us, keeping us updated on the state of antique markets in Troy and how her Bridge-playing buddies are doing. I think I'll be going back this weekend for fall break as well as making a trip to visit my cousin Alex up at Ohio State. Anyone with an extra ticket to the game: please let me know!

Greenstreet lights up Brick St. tonight once again, so go check them out.

Ingram Hill will be doing the same tommorrow night @ Brick and that is always a good show. I've now seen them three or four times and it always feels like the backyard of your friend's house. God Bless the South.

I will finally be getting my iPod back early next week. After a three/four week ordeal with shipping it to them twice and getting back mine unrepaired, driving down to the Apple Store in cincy, and spending damn near my monthly allotment of cell minutes on their hotline, they are sending me a brand new personalized 60 gb color iPod. I wasn't going to complain about getting only a refurb 30 gig back after mine conked, but when I realized that they wouldn't send me a 30 (discontinued), I demanded a brand new model. It worked. Thanks Apple.

Alright, it's time to crack open this Jack and get the weekend started.

Keep-it-Real person of the day: Hollis and Hoppe for their audiophile concern for our acoustic wellbeing.

Song of the Day: John Butler Trio - Damned to Hell

Nebraska, Mr. Hunter, Nebraska!

2005-09-30T17:31:00.000-04:00

So I guess Corey Matthews hangs out in Oxford. Ohio. Our Oxford, Ohio. Word on the street is he's dating a young chica from Lottie Moon's. My guess is while he's in town, he'll need to stop in for a Mongolian at CJ's. How the hell did this become a gossip column?

Mom's weekend commences tonight. Wine and Cheese at the house. This is the cleanest the KA house has been since I've been here. It wasn't even this clean when we were pledging. I'll take some photos for those who don't believe it.

Marshall Update: He ran out into the street today. I hate him.

BandFusion stuff is starting up again. I am super exciited for this year's event and hopefully it is, once again, the best concert on campus! Stay tuned for updates.

I love this time of year. Football, leaves, Ryan Adams, a sweatshirt in the morning - it rocks. I get to see how the rest of the county looks on Wednesday. I'm headed back to Troy for an afternoon to see the family and get the hairs cut. I miss the little sis, I hope she's not getting any bigger (she's ten).

La Cienega Just Smiled...

Jessica Alba is ethnically ambiguous

2005-09-29T13:02:00.000-04:00

Fall arrived in Oxford today. The temperature was a crisp 52* when I got up for my 8a.m. class this morning. Walking to class through Bishop Woods reminded me of the pre-race jog before cross-country races in high school. The leaves are starting to change colors, Kroger has pumpkins and "harvest" crap out in the seasonal aisle, and Halloween candy is starting to show up around our house. mmmmm, Reese's!

Miami kicked Cincinnati all around the field yesterday with a final score of 44-16. The game produced two top ten plays on SportsCenter this morning, yet both of them were pro-Cincinnati clips. The 2nd half was fun to watch(I had an MIS exam the first half) even if half the student body left by halftime. The Red Alert gang got some face time and really made an effort to sell their ideas to as many students as they could, especially since there were many students at the first half of the game.

John Roberts has been confirmed as the 17th Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. Very newsworthy, and if not for the recent month of hurricanes, this would have been on the news every night.

The Texans are visiting the Jungle on Sunday. If it weren't for open house, I would be going. All I know, is that if there is any other game on the big screen during the afternoon, I'll flip.

Alright, I have to start some accounting homework...maybe I'll update this later.

---------------------------------------------

Mike Perkins is playing a party at slow idaho on Friday night. Rumrunners are playing Stadium on Friday night. This should be a fun weekend.

Ingram Hill will be at Brick St. on next friday night. :)

Thought I'd Have Something More To Say...

2005-09-28T12:48:00.000-04:00

Marshall is the perfect dog. Er, well, he will be. He is kind of a shit head every now and he still likes nibbling on our fingers. I don't think he knows his own name. However, he does know to stay in the yard, he is completely house trained, and he will pretty much cuddle with you anywhere. The darn dog is just getting so big! He looked tiny when we first got him:

Holloway loves him cause he can pull of a bow tie:

Tonight is the Battle for the Bell and it is being broadcast on ESPN. Fryer and Elson have been working on this project with the MU Athletic Dept. called Red Alert. Red Alert is a fan support initiative to get students to more of all Miami athletic events. Participants get this dog tag with a scanable barcode on the back which is used to tally up attendances. After a certain number of events (that grows in brackets), students can win gift certificates, t-shirts, field passes, and other cool stuff. I really hope it boosts attendance and creates a little more of a steadfast fan atmosphere around here.

Mom's weekend is coming up on Friday. KA has put together a nice little wine and cheese tasting on Friday night and a dinner at the house on Saturday. Saturday a couple of us are taking our moms down to Cincinnati for a riverboat cruise for lunch. I think a pub crawl is in order for at least one of the two nights. I hope she doesn't want to go shopping. I have tons of college football to keep up with on Saturday afternoon.

Books that I recently bought:
Common Nonsense by Andy Rooney - I can't wait to read this. I mean, come on, who doesn't love this guy?
Let Freedom Ring by Sean Hannity - This book is another that I'm going to stare longingly at for about two or three months before I actually get to it.

Book that I need to read:
Your Money or Your Life by Neil Cavuto - Straight up financial advice and knowledge from a no-frills, borrow-his-hedge-clippers-guy-next-door. Perfect. The cover? Hysterical.

O.A.R.'s new album Stories of a Stranger comes out next Tuesday. I'm very excited to hear the next step in one of my all time favorite bands. After following a certain band week by week for five years, you really learn to dissect certain aspects of their music and you notice where things change over time. I've heard very little of this yet (trying to save the surprise) but I'm very eager to see what will come for them in the near future.

In other news: I need a haircut.

Lover, You Should Have Come Over

2005-09-27T12:38:00.000-04:00

The new Family Guy DVD Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story is hilarious. It is now the DVD o' the day in the 'Shoe.

I'm really hoping that my iPod makes a quick recovery at Apple's secret headquarters in the depths of Silicon Valley. It has been going down the crapper for about two weeks now. When you buy something in June, you'd think it would last past September.
My walks to class have been quieter, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, especially here in Oxford. This town reminds me so much of Troy during the fall: small rural Ohio town with that crisp fall air and stunning changes in the tree colors. I really wish I had more classes out on Western Campus. Havighurst wasn't bad at all for a dorm out in the middle of nowhere. I remember one time when I was thinking about colleges back in high school, my father reminisced about the drive down S.R. 127 on his way back to the Delt house from home and how beautiful the passage between Camden and 73 was. He was right.

I've always associated certain artists and albums with certain times of year. For instance, DMB's Before These Crowded Streets has always been a winter album for me. As is Pink Floyd's Dark Side Of The Moon. A lot of these associations happened when I was forming my musical tastes in high school. Cross country season was the start of all this. There were a few guys two years older than me who had already undergone the coming-of-age known as appreciating classic rock. From there, I moved on to new artists (other suggestions from the same kids) and bands like Guster who know have a special place in my memories. Lost and Gone Forever is the quintessential fall album in my opinion and it pretty much sums up my sophomore year in high school. Is it interesting that this is my sophomore year in college? Wow, four years ago.

I've been thinking a lot about my MIS class recently. I really enjoy learning new things, especially that concern business and technology, but sometimes I wonder if I'm wasting valuable space in my brain on SQL commands that probably won't help my quest to get into law school. Even worse is the fact that my MIS professor refuses to believe that we all aren't MIS majors. In fact, the majority of us are taking the class as a business school pre-req and wouldn't be caught dead doing this for three more years. At least he made a joke comparing the cheap cost of FTP software to a couple cases of Natty the other day.

<>

The Easy Way

2005-09-26T20:13:00.000-04:00

So I've finally made my way to the blog-sphere. I've tried on numerous occasions (well actually three) to start a journal. The first, on a flight to New York City to see O.A.R. on Thanksgiving weekend, bombed until it was rescued in the first month of 2005. One more post two weeks later and it was abandoned. Stay tuned for some funny stories, timeless photos, and general antidotes from the porch of the Order